With the new year upon us, many of you may have made the resolution to make dating and finding your forever relationship a priority in your life. Of course, that means putting yourself out there and going on dates.
And since every committed relationship must start with a “First Date”, I wanted to put together a list of some important first date tips and tricks to help find dating success this year.
Keep Your Expectations Low
It’s important to have a positive attitude when dating, but as important is to keep your expectation level in check.
By Conscious Dating with a more lighthearted and curious attitude, it will not only allow you to avoid disappointment when things don’t work out as you had hoped, but also allow you to have more fun in the process.
Keep the Fun Factor High
Studies show that as the excitement level in a date goes up, so do the chances for making a real connection. This means that the standard dinner and a movie date may not be your best bet for finding love.
When in the planning stages for a date, see if you can steer the venue to somewhere you enjoy that may add to the date’s excitement level like a cooking class or a bike ride.
Be the Chooser
It’s so important to the dating process to know that you not only deserve someone special, but you have the right to choose that person.
Have the confidence to assert your boundaries, control the speed of the relationship, rather than letting your date steer the way. When you go on your first dates remember, you are there to choose them, not the other way around.
Dating today is so much different than dating 20 years go or even 5 for that matter. With the advent of online dating and dating apps, people are taking less time to meet and even less time still to share important parts of their life.
So make sure you initiate safe dating practices into your dating life like doing some research on your date (i.e. Googling or asking mutual friends about them), and/or not sharing where you live by meeting them at a neutral location.
Don’t Talk About the Exes (Unless Asked)
There’s a great balance between being transparent and oversharing about your past relationships on a first date. Dumping about your ex is just a no-no for many reasons, keep it about the lessons you learned rather than play the blame game.
Mainly because it can lead you into a place where you are being too emotional or too negative. The goal on first dates is to be positive and have a good time, so unless your last break up ended with rainbows and sunshine, save those kind of talks for a later date. (Article continued below).
Listening More than You Speak
It’s such a shame that listening to others talk is such a lost art. Talking about yourself is fine as long as you balance it out with plenty of questions with attentive listening that follows.
Be on time
Fashionably late may be something that is cute in the movies, but don’t underestimate how showing up late can cause you to lose a chance at a quality partner.
Tardiness immediately starts the date off on the wrong foot by telling your date that your time is more valuable than theirs and when that happens even the most forgiving people may decide it’s over before it’s even gotten started.
Don’t fall into the SEX trap
If you’re like me and get emotionally involved the minute you have sex with someone. Then I say No sex…avoid it till you feel emotionally ready to make that leap.
Be your Authentic Self
Much of dating advice out there consists of the old adage or “always be yourself”. I prefer to say it’s much better to be your authentic self.
Far too many daters try to hide the parts of them that may not show them in the best light, but if you’re going to find a committed, joyful relationship, it’s those parts that are going to need to be front and center anyway so why hide them.
You don’t have to reveal everything in the first date, but as you do reveal… pay attention to how your date reacts. Based on that, you’ll know if you “choose” to continue dating him or not. It’s a great way to screen people that belong in your life or need to move on!
Know your Non-negotiables
Non-negotiables are an extremely important part of my Conscious Dating Programs and when learned are game-changers for almost any single.
Non-negotiables are your 10-15 deal-breakers that you must have in a relationship for it to work. If even one of them is not met by the person across from you then, the relationship will fail every time.
They are not superficial not things like ‘tall’ or ‘drives an expensive car’, rather core values like ‘treats me like a priority’ or ‘financial stable’. So know your Non-negotiables and when on that first date plan to screen one or more of them against your date to see if a second date is even worth your time.
If you find yourself struggling with one or more of these, then I can help. Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me here.