I remember as a little girl my parents taking me to the mall to meet Santa Claus for the first time. The plan, like for any young child meeting St. Nick was pure and simple, sit on his lap for a few moments and tell him what I wanted for Christmas. Then, just wait for Christmas morning to come and voila, everything I asked for was sitting right there for me to open and enjoy.
Oh, if the dating world was always just that simple… just ask a man in a velvet red and white suit what you wanted in a husband. Wake up to find him wrapped and ready to enjoy for the rest of your life.
Unfortunately, there is no dating Santa Claus, but there’s one part of this story that can help you find the man of your dreams: signaling to yourself and to the world exactly what you want in a partner. Rather than sending negative signals out of what you DON’T want.
As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I can tell you almost all of the singles that come to me, not with a list of what they want in a partner, rather what they have a long list of what they DON’T want.
This disparity in wording may not seem important, but I assure you when it comes to dating mindset and understanding exactly what you need to do to find true love, it is immensely important.
There is scientific proof to back this up too, in the form of a groundbreaking study about the importance and power of a positive mindset.
Your dating mindset matters, so to wake up each morning with one that holds you back in your dating life instead of propelling you forward is not only counterproductive, but can also put a damper on your dating results.
Finding your IDEAL partner begins with understanding your relationship NON-NEGOTIABLES (deal breakers). In my Conscious Dating Programs, these are the values, behaviors, and qualities you MUST have in a partner and relationship, or that relationship will fail every time.
Most singles I work with have about 10 to 15 of them, but when they are clear and understand them, it is the most valuable tool in their dating arsenal. And most importantly, this list always consists of the things you DO want, not the things you DON’T WANT.
Your road to getting a better understanding of your relationship non-negotiables and developing a positive dating mindset can start today. So here are a few things you can do to jump start your love life today. (Continued below).
1) Make your Non-negotiables List of Your IDEAL Partner
Sit down and make a list of all the qualities (these are not exterior traits like he’s tall or she has blonde hair) and how you want in a partner to treat you in a relationship. Remember, only write down the things you want, not the things you don’t want. If you need a little help with figuring this out, feel free to contact me.
2) Say Daily Affirmations of Gratitude
Research shows that daily affirmation around things you value can actually boost your self-worth. And when it comes to dating, it’s important to feel confident in yourself and have a positive mindset.
So take out your pen and paper, make a list of the things you feel most grateful for and give gratitude. Every morning when you wake up say it in front of the mirror. For example, I’m grateful for my health, I’m grateful my family, I’m grateful for my body, I’m grateful for my home.
It may feel awkward at first, but consider this reprogramming your mindset. You’re developing a new habit to focus on the positive things in your life that move you forward, rather than anchoring in the negative thoughts.
3) Surround Yourself with Positive People
Do you think they would be a person to push you forward on your goal to be more positive and get the partner of your dreams?
Ask these questions and then start spending more time with the positive people in your life and less time with the negative ones.
At the end of the day, there’s only one person who can help you on your journey to find love and happiness… and that is YOU. And this journey can start today if you make the choice (and it is a choice) to be more positive and lay a simple path to achieve the goals you set out for yourself.
Remember, Santa Claus may not be real and may not be able to help you find love, but during this holiday season you can sit down, self-reflect, and really ask yourself what you want in a partner.
This is your first step to finding your soul partner, I promise, before long you will be unwrapping that greatest gift of all… sharing your love with your soulmate.
If you’d like to get clear about your relationship non-negotiables, I’m here to help. Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review here.